“I have seen the cumulus ripple into stata.”—Ankhsty
The Cumulus Stage
When I let my shadows control me and was at my darkest, I planned my death. The conditions were complex at the time as to why this was my wish, and only Wisdom guided me through…
I gathered my shit from Amazon and my local Walmart. I was a fresh recipient of a debit card and a trustworthy kid at the time so I could bank on nobody rifling through my package. With my little card, I ordered were a box of razors and a box of smoking blends from Amazon, then went to Walmart to buy a family sized bottle of aspirin. I then proceeded to put all of my school books in my school locker, return every book I ever borrowed, wash all of my laundry, and deep clean the crap out of my room. I wanted to leave this world a numb offering of letted blood with a head high. But I wanted everything to be in its rightful place before I went.
Dark shit. For some. In playing around with memory, metaphor, and restructuring I’ve been able this combination of things resonated with me because in a Scorpio ass way, I was affirming that the element of air was what I was lacking in my life. I had so much water, but I needed to learn how to coast over and sail above my waters. I needed to learn how to surf my own emotional seas. For this, I needed to let myself breathe.
Without air there is no motion or movement. Live things die in still waters from lack of oxygen. Learning about water systems and how air plays a part in water cycling can help us learn how to move our own water.
My working theory is that if I can reconnect and learn to see my system reflected in systems found in nature, I can resolve issues within my own ecology. On a larger scale, if we all utilized this mirror, then maybe we will feel freer and more resolved to engage in healing the world’s problems as well.
When I first moved to New Orleans, I had access to more Esoteric and Occult shops and Apothecaries than I ever had in Chicago. In patronizing these locations I found myself being especially drawn to and entertained by smoking blends. The first blend I bought was kinnikinnik.
Then I started smoking herbal pre-rolled cigs composed of blends that included other such as Damiana and Rose.
This is when I began smoking herbal blends with the intention on experiencing their rumored metaphysical properties.
All this smoking inspired me to learn how to roll papers. Once I learned how to roll a decent joint I started playing around with making my own blends.
So far, I’ve played around with Motherwort, Mugwort, Basil, Marshmallow Leaves, Lavender, Rose, Damiana, Lemongrass, Uva Ursi, Tobacco, Wormwood, Peppermint, and Yarrow.
Tied into all of this info about Storms and Smoke is that I am an Initiate of Air at this point in my Shamanic journey :: I am learning more about the function of Air as and element and how that element plays an active role in our lives.
In my Lightwork, I’ve learned the importance and strategic use of fresh air to move energy.
In my Shadow work, I’ve explored combining my love for indulging in medicinal practice with the use of the Air element to stimulate alternative states of consciousness and transform abstract creative potential into tangible and legible content for viewers like you.—Ankhsty
On my journey, I’ve found that the best way to integrate the earth and air elements for spiritual aid is smoking. It grounds me but stimulates my mind so that I don’t feel weighed down or heavy by the influences of the herbs that I’m using.
As a water sign, elixers are great for priming my body to use these herbs in a more meaningful way. However, I need to use the elements of fire and air to activate the medicinal data buoyant in my cells.
When I smoke, the stimulation of Air causes motion in the waters of my mind so that I can access the latent creativity and give it atmosphere to breath and grow. The flame I light my joint with becomes the spark of my intention. As a result, I find my ideas flowing more freely than before.
The act of smoking for the reasons I’ve described can be summed up as brainstorming. Brainstorming is described as group discussion to produce ideas or solve problems. In a party of one, smoking allows for the elements to come together as a group to create an environment in whose conditions ideas can be produced and problems can be solved.
When the cumulus cloud becomes very large, the water in it becomes large and heavy. Raindrops start to fall through the cloud when the rising air can no longer hold them up. Meanwhile, cool dry air starts to enter the cloud. Because cool air is heavier than warm air, it starts to descend in the cloud (known as a downdraft). The downdraft pulls the heavy water downward, making rain.—via WTU
The best way to bring your ideas to fruition is to make it rain.
In the swirl of the storm going on inside of myself, I still had enough sense to look into my situation to see how people overcome their minds when the matter of being aliv me loses its appeal. I had read an article earlier on in my battle with this that said that something as simple as distracting yourself with something, anything else for just 5 more minutes, would help you keep yourself alive.
If you can just shift your attention to something that you love for 5 more minutes, you can live that much longer to experience joy.
This is the article that came to mind when I received a notification from Gmail. It was one of those frequent emails my high school counselors sent us with leads on resources for college. I was a junior, almost out of the shit. I had a bright future ahead of me if I chose it.
…I had already put my books in my locker and the laundry was done. In the spirit of giving myself 5 more minutes I preoccupied myself with filling out the app. Because I gave myself 5 minutes to invest in that, I had to wait for the news to come back, so that 5 minutes turned into living long enough to see the deadline pass and hear news back. That extra day turned into the rest of my life.
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